Breakthrough Communicator Tip # 6: Model and Expect the Behavior You Want in Return

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

The building blocks for developing deep, secure personal and professional relationships are committing to conversation, using intention and expectation, and seeing the child in charge. In order to help in these three areas we find the iris and make eye contact to build instant rapport and use their name to grab and hold attention.

But what next?

How do we proceed?

This is an important moment for Breakthrough Communicators. When we determine if our other is right for us. Is this the type of person I want to build a deeper, more secure relationship with?

And it doesn't have to be everyone. We have ideal clients for a reason. We surround ourselves with individuals who bring out the best in us for a reason. It does not, should not, and cannot be everyone.

So how do we determine who fits?

Model and expect the behavior you want in return.

Human beings are pretty good at mirroring the emotion and intention of others. We empathize and sympathize; we match energy; we meet people where they are at.

But Breakthrough Communicators also establish expectations to be mirrored.

We are relentlessly authentic and strategic in that authenticity.

So when we model certain language and certain behavior, and share our vulnerable child in charge, it is with the understanding the people we want to build stronger relationships with--the people we want in our personal and professional communities--will accept our authentic self, will accept our breakthrough language, and will share their child in charge in return.

It doesn't mean we manipulate others to think and feel as we do. But it does mean our product and services aren't for everyone. It does mean we don't build deeper personal relationships with everyone.

And by modelling the behavior you expect from other's, by inviting them to mirror you also, Breakthrough Communicators determine the relationships they want to further pursue and strengthen.

So as part of your intention and expectation, model your authentic self. Model your child in charge. And see how that vulnerability and authenticity is met.

Use this important information-gathering process to determine if your other is the right person to invest your time and energy.

If they are, that's amazing! These remaining episodes will continue to show you how to build meaningful relationships with these people.

If they are not, let them go.

Thanks for reading everyone, like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Why People Don't Listen to You

Ever wonder why people don’t listen to you?

I do.

Every day.

In my career as a theatre director, writer, educator, and communication coach, I’ve defined the three primary reasons your audience does not listen to you:

1) You’re not saying anything. NOT, you’re not contributing anything of value or speaking the language of your ideal client or audience or solving a problem or whatever.

You’re not engaging in conversation and communication with others.

People cannot listen to you if you’re not speaking. So, of course, no one is listening to you if you’re not spending time everyday engaging in conversation with the express purpose of building deeper, more meaningful personal and professional relationships.

Sounds obvious doesn’t it? But raise you’re hand if you’ve ever been in a position where you determined beforehand you wouldn’t be heard so you just chose not to speak.

That’s tough.

That’s real.

That’s some people’s lives.

2) You never turn small talk into big talk. Small talk is great for feeling out new relationships, learning more about people, and seeing if they are good candidates to bring into your community.

But if small talk never progresses to big talk your connections will give up listening to you.

Think about what you want from your community:

Is it superficial relationships who just talk at us all day?

Is it surface lever people who forget about us as soon as we leave the room?

No! Human beings have core needs and at the top of those core needs are loving communities. We need to be a part of groups, tribes, pods of compassionate, empathetic individuals who will climb in the arena with us, help us, and who we want to help—professionally and personally.

So if your relationship small talk never turns into big talk—vulnerable, authentic, helper-centric big talk—people are not going to listen to you.

3) You’re not talking to the real decision-maker. I just became a dad for the first time :) And when I hold Owen in my arms it is with the greatest responsibility knowing he has no choice but to EXPECT his core needs will be met. Love, security, and community are his to assume and my responsibility to provide for the sake of his survival.

But I can’t and won’t be able to protect him from everything. One day he will experience pain, trauma, loss or some other hurt, which undermines and calls into question his critical needs will be met.

In those moments we often build self-defense mechanisms/suits of armor to protect our inner chlld from ever experiencing the pain of losing our assumed needs and the fear of living a life without those needs.

Betrayal may lead to distrust in others.

Shame and humiliation might manifest as self-deprecating humor or fake confidence.

Abandonment may create an unhealthy need for perfectionism.

But guess who’s hanging out beneath the surface of that distrust or perfectionism or self-deprecation? That same little child who desperately wants to be able to take for granted love, community, and security in their life.

We build deep, meaningful personal and professional relationships and engage in vulnerable, authentic big talk so we can push past the self-defense mechanisms of others and connect with the child in charge.

Why don’t people listen to you?

Ask yourself;

Do I commit to conversation everyday with the express purpose of building deeper relationships?

Do I turn small talk into big talk?

Do I talk to the real decision maker?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no” then your audience is not listening.

I had a baby!

Well, not me personally but my beautiful wife Arielle did.

It was amazing.

And the reason for my writing hiatus.

So thank you for your patience in between blogs.

They’re coming back Tuesday September 21st and will be dropping every other Tuesday at least until the end of the year.

Thank you again for all your amazing support as I share Breakthrough Communicator strategies with my amazing community :)

Be A Breakthrough Communicator For Yourself

Hello everyone,

Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Breakthrough Communicators elevate their interactions and build genuine rapport by utilizing strategies such as being clear and specific with our action-based intentions and expectations, committing to inquiry-based listening, and being gentle but firm when sharing our expertise, ideas, passions and goals.

But there is one more commitment I want you to make.

One more skill which ensures Breakthrough Communicators develop the loving, secure communities they desire.

That skill?

Take every Breakthrough Communicator strategy you have learned and apply it to yourself.

Commit to daily conversation and introspection with yourself.

Stay in tune with your inner decision maker. What does your child in charge really want?

Ask yourself thoughtful questions.

Listen to the answers.

Be gentle but firm with your own needs.

And don't nag yourself.

You are a remarkable human being. And you deserve to be seen and heard by the Breakthrough Communicator you're committed to being.

So make that guarantee to yourself.

Go back through and re-read or re-watch the 20 strategies for Breakthrough Communicators.

Then ask yourself, "Am I using these strategies on myself."

Am I listening to my needs?

Am I honest about my goals and intentions?

Am I building a deeper, more meaningful relationship with myself?

If yes, keep it up!

If no, start today.

You deserve to be seen and heard. Not just by others, but by yourself too.

Thanks for reading everyone; continue to follow my blog, subscribe to our email, and join me on YouTube for short reminders and exercises ensuring our regular commitment to Breakthrough Communicator strategies.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Don't Be A Nag: Breakthrough Communicator Tip #20

Hello everyone,

Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Raise you hand if you enjoy being nagged.

No you don't, put your hand down.

No one likes to be nagged.

By a partner…

A parent…

That guy at work who wants to borrow your truck next week to move a couch…

No one likes to be nagged.

Which is why Breakthrough Communicators don't.

Harder than it seems.

But Breakthrough Communicators avoid nagging by understanding three crucial aspects of nagging:

1) It comes from a well-intentioned place. Your parent/partner/the guy from work needs something. And if the need is great enough to nag, it's probably pretty important. But nagging is so detrimental to our well-intentioned purposes because even if it best serves our other, the risk of shutting down the child in charge and triggering self-defense mechanisms makes it a really ineffective form of persuasion.

2) Nagging is negative attention and Breakthrough Communicators succeed in getting what they want by showing acceptance and using positive language. So we're not going to succumb to a communication tactic which undermines our tried and true process for succeeding in our intentions and developing deeper, more meaningful personal and professional relationships.

3) Nagging, for the most part, undermines all Breakthrough Communicators strategies. It is often a result of not listening, not asking open-ended questions, not being firm with your intentions, not creating collaboration and cooperation by offering options and alternatives, and not keeping it simple.

How many of us could easily get our friend at work to loan their truck with the promise of a tank of gas or a drink after work? Friday doesn't work, that's okay I'm off Saturday and Sunday too.

I know you're out of town next month, is there anyone watching your dog.

When we make our intentions about our other too, then nagging becomes unnecessary.

So don't nag. Instead, take the opportunity to commit to the awesome Breakthrough Communicator strategies which time and again help individuals accomplish their goals and build stronger relationships.

Thanks for reading everyone; as always, like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators so together we can build stronger communities one effective communicator at a time.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.