Breakthrough Communicator Tip # 6: Model and Expect the Behavior You Want in Return

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

The building blocks for developing deep, secure personal and professional relationships are committing to conversation, using intention and expectation, and seeing the child in charge. In order to help in these three areas we find the iris and make eye contact to build instant rapport and use their name to grab and hold attention.

But what next?

How do we proceed?

This is an important moment for Breakthrough Communicators. When we determine if our other is right for us. Is this the type of person I want to build a deeper, more secure relationship with?

And it doesn't have to be everyone. We have ideal clients for a reason. We surround ourselves with individuals who bring out the best in us for a reason. It does not, should not, and cannot be everyone.

So how do we determine who fits?

Model and expect the behavior you want in return.

Human beings are pretty good at mirroring the emotion and intention of others. We empathize and sympathize; we match energy; we meet people where they are at.

But Breakthrough Communicators also establish expectations to be mirrored.

We are relentlessly authentic and strategic in that authenticity.

So when we model certain language and certain behavior, and share our vulnerable child in charge, it is with the understanding the people we want to build stronger relationships with--the people we want in our personal and professional communities--will accept our authentic self, will accept our breakthrough language, and will share their child in charge in return.

It doesn't mean we manipulate others to think and feel as we do. But it does mean our product and services aren't for everyone. It does mean we don't build deeper personal relationships with everyone.

And by modelling the behavior you expect from other's, by inviting them to mirror you also, Breakthrough Communicators determine the relationships they want to further pursue and strengthen.

So as part of your intention and expectation, model your authentic self. Model your child in charge. And see how that vulnerability and authenticity is met.

Use this important information-gathering process to determine if your other is the right person to invest your time and energy.

If they are, that's amazing! These remaining episodes will continue to show you how to build meaningful relationships with these people.

If they are not, let them go.

Thanks for reading everyone, like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Why People Don't Listen to You

Ever wonder why people don’t listen to you?

I do.

Every day.

In my career as a theatre director, writer, educator, and communication coach, I’ve defined the three primary reasons your audience does not listen to you:

1) You’re not saying anything. NOT, you’re not contributing anything of value or speaking the language of your ideal client or audience or solving a problem or whatever.

You’re not engaging in conversation and communication with others.

People cannot listen to you if you’re not speaking. So, of course, no one is listening to you if you’re not spending time everyday engaging in conversation with the express purpose of building deeper, more meaningful personal and professional relationships.

Sounds obvious doesn’t it? But raise you’re hand if you’ve ever been in a position where you determined beforehand you wouldn’t be heard so you just chose not to speak.

That’s tough.

That’s real.

That’s some people’s lives.

2) You never turn small talk into big talk. Small talk is great for feeling out new relationships, learning more about people, and seeing if they are good candidates to bring into your community.

But if small talk never progresses to big talk your connections will give up listening to you.

Think about what you want from your community:

Is it superficial relationships who just talk at us all day?

Is it surface lever people who forget about us as soon as we leave the room?

No! Human beings have core needs and at the top of those core needs are loving communities. We need to be a part of groups, tribes, pods of compassionate, empathetic individuals who will climb in the arena with us, help us, and who we want to help—professionally and personally.

So if your relationship small talk never turns into big talk—vulnerable, authentic, helper-centric big talk—people are not going to listen to you.

3) You’re not talking to the real decision-maker. I just became a dad for the first time :) And when I hold Owen in my arms it is with the greatest responsibility knowing he has no choice but to EXPECT his core needs will be met. Love, security, and community are his to assume and my responsibility to provide for the sake of his survival.

But I can’t and won’t be able to protect him from everything. One day he will experience pain, trauma, loss or some other hurt, which undermines and calls into question his critical needs will be met.

In those moments we often build self-defense mechanisms/suits of armor to protect our inner chlld from ever experiencing the pain of losing our assumed needs and the fear of living a life without those needs.

Betrayal may lead to distrust in others.

Shame and humiliation might manifest as self-deprecating humor or fake confidence.

Abandonment may create an unhealthy need for perfectionism.

But guess who’s hanging out beneath the surface of that distrust or perfectionism or self-deprecation? That same little child who desperately wants to be able to take for granted love, community, and security in their life.

We build deep, meaningful personal and professional relationships and engage in vulnerable, authentic big talk so we can push past the self-defense mechanisms of others and connect with the child in charge.

Why don’t people listen to you?

Ask yourself;

Do I commit to conversation everyday with the express purpose of building deeper relationships?

Do I turn small talk into big talk?

Do I talk to the real decision maker?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no” then your audience is not listening.

I had a baby!

Well, not me personally but my beautiful wife Arielle did.

It was amazing.

And the reason for my writing hiatus.

So thank you for your patience in between blogs.

They’re coming back Tuesday September 21st and will be dropping every other Tuesday at least until the end of the year.

Thank you again for all your amazing support as I share Breakthrough Communicator strategies with my amazing community :)

Get the Decision-Maker to Open Up and Share: Breakthrough Communicator Tip #7

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Breakthrough Communicators determine who they work with, and who they bring into their personal and professional community by modeling the behavior they wish to receive. When we share our authentic, vulnerable child in charge, those individuals we want to surround ourselves with will accept that authentic self and share theirs in turn.

But then how do we get the Decision-Maker to open up and share even more?

Ask open-ended questions.

If you want your other to engage, ask questions which penetrate the protective shielding that is looking to dismiss and shut down trust-building opportunities.

Remember the child in charge has been hurt. The Decision-Maker is afraid to let down their guard and build deeper relationships because they've been injured before. Our protective armor is looking for a way to safeguard the child. 

And while "Yes" and "No" questions can be highly influential when used strategically, they're meaningless if you're not willing to take the time to build rapport through sincere, thought-provoking, open-ended questions.

By committing to questions which interest the child in charge, you invite the inner decision-maker to share their thoughts and feelings.

In this way you demonstrate the value and importance of your other's needs, emotions, and opinions.

People love talking about themselves, the same way they love hearing the sound of their own name. Open-ended questions provide space for our other to talk and share the love, community, and security they're desperately searching for.

So in your conversations this weekend prioritize open-ended questions. Ask questions which require more thought and engagement, not less.

"What" questions.

"Why" questions.

"How" questions.

These require more than one-word answers, are of great value in information gathering, encourage faster rapport and deeper relationships, and most importantly breakthrough our self-created armor and speak directly to the inner Decision-Maker.

Thanks for reading; like, share, and comment with your favorite open-ended questions for building deeper relationships.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications--helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Be A Breakthrough Communicator For Yourself

Hello everyone,

Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Breakthrough Communicators elevate their interactions and build genuine rapport by utilizing strategies such as being clear and specific with our action-based intentions and expectations, committing to inquiry-based listening, and being gentle but firm when sharing our expertise, ideas, passions and goals.

But there is one more commitment I want you to make.

One more skill which ensures Breakthrough Communicators develop the loving, secure communities they desire.

That skill?

Take every Breakthrough Communicator strategy you have learned and apply it to yourself.

Commit to daily conversation and introspection with yourself.

Stay in tune with your inner decision maker. What does your child in charge really want?

Ask yourself thoughtful questions.

Listen to the answers.

Be gentle but firm with your own needs.

And don't nag yourself.

You are a remarkable human being. And you deserve to be seen and heard by the Breakthrough Communicator you're committed to being.

So make that guarantee to yourself.

Go back through and re-read or re-watch the 20 strategies for Breakthrough Communicators.

Then ask yourself, "Am I using these strategies on myself."

Am I listening to my needs?

Am I honest about my goals and intentions?

Am I building a deeper, more meaningful relationship with myself?

If yes, keep it up!

If no, start today.

You deserve to be seen and heard. Not just by others, but by yourself too.

Thanks for reading everyone; continue to follow my blog, subscribe to our email, and join me on YouTube for short reminders and exercises ensuring our regular commitment to Breakthrough Communicator strategies.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.