Breakthrough Communicator Tip # 6: Model and Expect the Behavior You Want in Return

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

The building blocks for developing deep, secure personal and professional relationships are committing to conversation, using intention and expectation, and seeing the child in charge. In order to help in these three areas we find the iris and make eye contact to build instant rapport and use their name to grab and hold attention.

But what next?

How do we proceed?

This is an important moment for Breakthrough Communicators. When we determine if our other is right for us. Is this the type of person I want to build a deeper, more secure relationship with?

And it doesn't have to be everyone. We have ideal clients for a reason. We surround ourselves with individuals who bring out the best in us for a reason. It does not, should not, and cannot be everyone.

So how do we determine who fits?

Model and expect the behavior you want in return.

Human beings are pretty good at mirroring the emotion and intention of others. We empathize and sympathize; we match energy; we meet people where they are at.

But Breakthrough Communicators also establish expectations to be mirrored.

We are relentlessly authentic and strategic in that authenticity.

So when we model certain language and certain behavior, and share our vulnerable child in charge, it is with the understanding the people we want to build stronger relationships with--the people we want in our personal and professional communities--will accept our authentic self, will accept our breakthrough language, and will share their child in charge in return.

It doesn't mean we manipulate others to think and feel as we do. But it does mean our product and services aren't for everyone. It does mean we don't build deeper personal relationships with everyone.

And by modelling the behavior you expect from other's, by inviting them to mirror you also, Breakthrough Communicators determine the relationships they want to further pursue and strengthen.

So as part of your intention and expectation, model your authentic self. Model your child in charge. And see how that vulnerability and authenticity is met.

Use this important information-gathering process to determine if your other is the right person to invest your time and energy.

If they are, that's amazing! These remaining episodes will continue to show you how to build meaningful relationships with these people.

If they are not, let them go.

Thanks for reading everyone, like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Be A Breakthrough Communicator For Yourself

Hello everyone,

Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Breakthrough Communicators elevate their interactions and build genuine rapport by utilizing strategies such as being clear and specific with our action-based intentions and expectations, committing to inquiry-based listening, and being gentle but firm when sharing our expertise, ideas, passions and goals.

But there is one more commitment I want you to make.

One more skill which ensures Breakthrough Communicators develop the loving, secure communities they desire.

That skill?

Take every Breakthrough Communicator strategy you have learned and apply it to yourself.

Commit to daily conversation and introspection with yourself.

Stay in tune with your inner decision maker. What does your child in charge really want?

Ask yourself thoughtful questions.

Listen to the answers.

Be gentle but firm with your own needs.

And don't nag yourself.

You are a remarkable human being. And you deserve to be seen and heard by the Breakthrough Communicator you're committed to being.

So make that guarantee to yourself.

Go back through and re-read or re-watch the 20 strategies for Breakthrough Communicators.

Then ask yourself, "Am I using these strategies on myself."

Am I listening to my needs?

Am I honest about my goals and intentions?

Am I building a deeper, more meaningful relationship with myself?

If yes, keep it up!

If no, start today.

You deserve to be seen and heard. Not just by others, but by yourself too.

Thanks for reading everyone; continue to follow my blog, subscribe to our email, and join me on YouTube for short reminders and exercises ensuring our regular commitment to Breakthrough Communicator strategies.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Breakthrough Communicators: How to establish an instant connection

Hello,

Christopher Peck here with Speak Into Action Communications.

Today we learn 'How to Establish an Instant Connection.'

Breakthrough Communicators build immediate rapport in our personal and professional interactions. We are able to disarm self-defense mechanisms and speak directly to the child in charge.

We do this, first and foremost, by making eye contact. That's right, find the iris and hold that gaze.

Here's the kicker: it does not matter the format. Whether it is in person, on video, or over the phone, Breakthrough Communicators make eye contact.

So what does that look like?

In-Person: Make eye contact at least 70% of the time. This benefits both parties.

Ever heard the saying, "the shortest distance between two points is a straight line"?

The shortest distance between you and the child in charge is eye contact.

The energy of your intention and expectation flows directly to your intended target.

Furthermore, when you are making eye contact with your other, they are making eye contact with you. Which means they are more likely to hear and receive the information you are sharing, and you’re building greater know, like, and trust and stronger personal and professional relationships.

Now, on the occasion you are not making eye contact--the other 30%--establish a focus window extending from the top of your other's head to the top of their chest and from shoulder to shoulder. Your focus never leaves this window unless the conversation requires focus elsewhere.

On Video: Make eye contact, not with your other but with your video camera. This creates the illusion of eye contact and encourages the same direct flow of intention and expectation. Be relentless in your commitment to this focus. Whereas face-to-face communication allows for 30%, you need to always stay directly connected to your other on video. There are too many distractions which can easily be triggered in a moment of disconnect. Video is hard so be unwavering in your eye contact.

Over-the-Phone: Arguably the most difficult platform for developing immediate rapport. Guess what? Make eye contact. Visualize the other person, find the iris, and meet their gaze the entire conversation.

What this does is ensure your focus and commitment to the conversation. You cannot harness your other's attention, over-the-phone, the way you can on video and in-person. But you can influence their attention and connection by focusing your intention and expectation directly to them.

Do this by visualizing eye contact.

So here's what I want you to do over the next few days:

Add eye contact to your commitment to conversation, intention, expectation, and seeing the child in charge.

Take those five daily conversations, and unless you are currently committed to self-isolation, spread them between in-person, video, and phone conversations.

If you're great in person, but hate the phone, spend more time on the phone.

If you spend all day on Zoom calls, make time for in-person.

But practice, practice, practice finding the iris and making eye contact.

You may find resistance at first. Many people shy away from eye-contact as a way to protect their child in charge. As a show of good faith, let them see your child in charge. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability, authenticity breeds authenticity, and we build better relationships when we're vulnerable and authentic.

So make eye contact.

Thanks for reading everyone, remember to take these tips at your own pace. Take the time necessary to master your foundation of conversation, intention, expectation, and seeing the child in charge. Once that foundation is established, skills like eye contact will be easy to implement.

Breakthrough Communicators commit to a lifestyle. It doesn't happen overnight. As such, each of us will progress at our own pace. Just keep practicing.

As always like, comment, and share with your friends. This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

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Breakthrough Communicators: How to turn small talk into big talk

Hello,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Today’s blog focuses on my third episode of "Breakthrough Communicators" where I show you how to turn "small talk" into "big talk."

Over the past week, you have committed to five conversations a day. Many of you have committed to more, hopefully no one to less. Although if you haven't made it to five, don't give up or be ashamed. Persevere. I promise, when you're committing to at least five conversations per day you will develop stronger communication skills.

Now, the conversations we've been having, whether five or fifty, have certainly ranged in importance. But, my guess is many fall in the "small talk" category.

I really enjoy small talk. It is a safe way to practice and develop certain communication skills.

However, we will never fully succeed as Breakthrough Communicators if "small talk" never matures into "big talk".

The difference between "small talk" and "big talk"?

Intention and expectation.

It is human nature to want things from other's. To have needs, desires, goals, and dreams. A big part of building healthy, secure relationships and loving communities is setting goals and relying on others to help us achieve them.

So I want you to start adding "intention" and "expectation" to your daily conversations.

Intention is our goals. It's what we want to accomplish.

“I want to commit to five conversations per day.”

“I want to talk to my grandmother three times this month.”

“I want to close twelve deals this quarter.”

“I want to spend thirty minutes a day listening to and sharing with my spouse or partner.”

“I want to make the cashier at the supermarket laugh.”

Each intention requires action on the part of us and our other. Notice I didn't say, "I want to call my grandmother...", I said “I want to talk to my grandmother.”

The first one's easy. I call three times, she never answers. I'm done. I could even strategically call when I know she's not around. Then I don't have to talk. But who does that benefit? If you're the only beneficiary, it's not a good intention.

Intention requires action by both parties.

Expectation is the why.

“I want to close twelve deals this quarter because then I get my closing bonus.”

“I want to talk and share with my spouse every day because we've been drifting apart and I miss our closeness.”

“I want to make the cashier at the supermarket laugh because I found out his dog died last week and he's been really down.”

In addition to being the why, expectations always assume success.

What's the point of setting a goal of twelve sales if we don't expect to achieve it?

This expectation raises the stakes of our goal-oriented conversations. It makes them more important.

“I have to succeed.”

“I have to get a hold of grandma three times.”

“It has to be twelve sales.”

“I have to put aside thirty minutes for my spouse every night.”

“I have to make him laugh.”

Intention and expectation turns "small talk" into "big talk".

That's what I want you to do this week. Take your five daily conversations; give them an intention and give them an expectation.

It's gonna be a little scary. Because "big talk" has big stakes. When we set intention and expectation, we create the possibility of failure.

Don't worry about it. Set goals and expect success in your conversations and interactions and I guarantee you're well on your way to being a Breakthrough Communicator.

Thanks for reading. Like, comment, and share your experience adding intention and expectation to your conversations; and don't keep this series to yourself. Who do you know would benefit from being a Breakthrough Communicator. Share this blog with them.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read?

Every blog is available on my Youtube channel in video format along with other great content. Subscribe today!

Speaking to Authority Figures

by Christopher Peck

For those of you who have been following this blog the past few months, you know this post was supposed to cover “throw-away gestures."  Instead, I had a request from a client to write a blog about speaking to authority figures.  I thought this was a great idea!  It’s a sensitive subject for some, and no big deal for others.  Still, it’s an important component of interpersonal communication. 

So here are Five Tips to Remember when Speaking to Authority Figures

1)      Have a Plan

What are your goals for this encounter?  Do you want to get your boss excited about a new idea?  Are you trying to survive a speeding ticket?  Knowing and preparing to get what you want enables you to be perceived as knowledgeable, confident, and collected.  I heard a story once about a woman, driving near a police station, who was pulled over for a traffic violation.  When the officer asked, “Do you know why I pulled you over,” her response was “to impress your buddies over there.”  The police officer laughed, and the woman was let off without a ticket.  I want to emphasize, I am not advocating for snark in the presence of a police officer.  That being said, this woman—facing an undesirable situation—had a plan.  Her preparedness allowed her to get what she wanted—avoiding a ticket.  This same planning (not the same plan!) should be taken into any situation when speaking with authority figures.  Your preparation and planning adds credibility to your ideas, proposals, when interviewing, or when you’re standing up for a decision.  You are more likely to be appreciated, respected, and ultimately heard.    

2)      Utilize What You Know About the Authority Figure

In the instance of the woman and the police officer, she made a split-second decision probably based on gut instinct.  She rolled the dice and came out on top.  These circumstances are unusual.  More often than not, the less time and information you have in an interpersonal situation, the more difficult it is steer a conversation.  Consider what you know about the person in authority.  Does she enjoy small talk with her employees or avoid all superfluous conversation?  Does she like talking family?  Is she collectively viewed as friendly with subordinates, or is she dismissive?  The more you know about your boss’ demeanor, idiosyncrasies, etc. the better you are able to craft your side of the conversation in a way that resonates.  If you have the time, collect the information. 

3)      Acknowledge Your Value in the Conversation

One problem that can arise, when communicating with someone in a position of authority, is our own propensity toward buying into the hierarchical dynamic.  In an effort to maintain what we perceive as the appropriate respect for the authority figure, we consequently dismiss our own value in the conversation.  Resist this overcompensation.  Respect for authority does not translate to the diminution of our role in the discussion.  We still have something important to say, we still have a right to say it, and in ideal situations our presence in the dialogue is also respected.  Don’t feel it is imperative to immediately defer to the authority figure simply because they rank higher in the organization.  If you know what you have to offer is of the utmost value, don’t let that value dissolve out of a misunderstanding of the term “respect”. 

4)      Respect the Opinion of Your Other

With that said, respect the opinion of the authority figure as you hopefully would in any communicative situation.  Your boss likely has a more comprehensive and universal understanding of the inner workings of the company.  If you have presented yourself and your idea confidently, strategically, and respectably, and the authority figure still doesn’t share your enthusiasm, there’s probably something else at play.  Hopefully that something else is a deeper understanding of the organization, leading to a necessary rejection of the idea.  Now, there are authority figures who fail to command respect from their employees.  When dealing with an authority figure you do not respect, you have to approach the conversation similarly.  Few individuals in positions of authority respond well to being brow-beaten by disrespectful employees.  If your idea is dismissed for reasons less than credible, take a few days and reconsider your argument.  Learn more about your other, and surround your idea with language that resonates with the person in authority.  

5)      Control What You Can, Don’t Worry About the Rest

Too often we place our focus on elements of presentation that are entirely out of our control.  “What if she thinks I’m stupid?”  “Why won’t my knees stop trembling?”  “I think my voice sounds awful.”  These are elements that we cannot control.  Focusing on them places us in a position where those things out of our control supersede those elements we can control.  Elements like the preparation that went into our proposal, our breathing, or the tempo of our speech.  As in any presentational situation, focusing on what we can control empowers us as speakers.  If your knee is shaking, focus on the tempo of your breathing.  If you’re worried about the sound of your voice, focus on the placement of your hands.  If you’re concerned your boss thinks your idea is unamusing, focus on the imagination, preparation, and design behind your presentation.  Removing focus from the uncontrollable, and placing it on those elements you are in complete control of, allows you the opportunity to ground your physical presence, and connect with the passion and creativity that fuels your ideas. 

I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog.  Next week we return to non-verbal communication habits that inhibit the effectiveness of our presentations; namely Throw-Away Gestures!  Have a great week!