Breakthrough Communicator Tip # 6: Model and Expect the Behavior You Want in Return

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

The building blocks for developing deep, secure personal and professional relationships are committing to conversation, using intention and expectation, and seeing the child in charge. In order to help in these three areas we find the iris and make eye contact to build instant rapport and use their name to grab and hold attention.

But what next?

How do we proceed?

This is an important moment for Breakthrough Communicators. When we determine if our other is right for us. Is this the type of person I want to build a deeper, more secure relationship with?

And it doesn't have to be everyone. We have ideal clients for a reason. We surround ourselves with individuals who bring out the best in us for a reason. It does not, should not, and cannot be everyone.

So how do we determine who fits?

Model and expect the behavior you want in return.

Human beings are pretty good at mirroring the emotion and intention of others. We empathize and sympathize; we match energy; we meet people where they are at.

But Breakthrough Communicators also establish expectations to be mirrored.

We are relentlessly authentic and strategic in that authenticity.

So when we model certain language and certain behavior, and share our vulnerable child in charge, it is with the understanding the people we want to build stronger relationships with--the people we want in our personal and professional communities--will accept our authentic self, will accept our breakthrough language, and will share their child in charge in return.

It doesn't mean we manipulate others to think and feel as we do. But it does mean our product and services aren't for everyone. It does mean we don't build deeper personal relationships with everyone.

And by modelling the behavior you expect from other's, by inviting them to mirror you also, Breakthrough Communicators determine the relationships they want to further pursue and strengthen.

So as part of your intention and expectation, model your authentic self. Model your child in charge. And see how that vulnerability and authenticity is met.

Use this important information-gathering process to determine if your other is the right person to invest your time and energy.

If they are, that's amazing! These remaining episodes will continue to show you how to build meaningful relationships with these people.

If they are not, let them go.

Thanks for reading everyone, like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

"It's Not Valuable if We Don't Understand It": Breakthrough Communicators Tip #15

Hello everyone,

Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Before I started Speak Into Action, I was a theatre professor at the University of South Alabama. Part of my academic responsibility was theatre scholarship, and believe me, if there was a five-syllable word that fit the article I was writing, I used it. 

But changing careers didn't change my need to use five-syllable language. And even though I was responsible for teaching others to communicate their needs more effectively, the language I chose made it a struggle to communicate my own value.

Breakthrough Communicators have ideas, feelings, and needs we want to share with others. Those ideas have influence because we've demonstrated ourselves as a trusted relationship and built genuine rapport with our other.

But we can run the risk of undermining that trust, rapport, and value if we don't commit to this Breakthrough Communicator skill:

Keep

It

Simple

Drop the jargon, drop the language only you understand, and don't overwhelm others with too much information.

If you want to be understood, you must keep your value, needs, and ideas succinct, simple-to-follow, and direct.

Remember, people have short attention spans. They are not going to stay engaged if they don't understand what you're saying.  Individuals also retain only one to three pieces of information from any given conversation or presentation. So there's no value in too much information.

Set yourself and your other up for success by keeping it simple.

—This is what I want you to do.

—This is how I need your help.

—This is the value I bring.

By keeping it simple, Breakthrough Communicators build deeper, more meaningful personal and professional relationships.

So practice this week.

In one sentence:

How do you help others?

What kind of people do you want to meet and add to your community?

What is your big idea?

Build and demonstrate confidence, get precise with your messaging, and keep other engaged by...

Keeping it simple.

Thanks for reading everyone, like comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better, by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read? Every blog is available on my Youtube channel in video format along with other great content. Subscribe today!

Earn Their Trust Every Time: Breakthrough Communicators' Tip # 10

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Breakthrough Communicators have needs too. We have our own dreams and desires and we need a healthy community to help us achieve those goals.

And there is an invaluable trust-building step in effective communication which ensures a stable bridge between the needs of our other and the needs of ourselves.

Show acceptance.

We have to show acceptance for who our other is right now, in the present.

Resist diving into everything they're doing wrong in their lives, businesses, careers, etc. All the ways they're limiting their own potential and success.

It sounds obvious.

But I see it happen all the time.

"You're doing it all wrong."

"You'll never be get it right if you keep..."

"No wonder you're not succeeding."

This negativity immediately triggers self-defense mechanisms and disengages the child in charge. At which point you're no longer talking to the inner-decision maker and the possibility of developing a more meaningful relationship is lost.

The opportunity to coach, challenge, mentor, and encourage and foster growth will come.

But we have to show acceptance first.

Your other is enough.

Smart enough.

Savvy enough

Funny enough.

Bold enough.

Prepared enough.

Otherwise we would have sorted them out while modeling and matching behavior and we wouldn't be pursuing a deeper personal or professional relationship with them.

So, in your day-to-day conversations, build more trust by showing acceptance. Assure your other's child in charge they're on the right path to achieving the love, community, and security they so desperately desire by being enough today.

You'll be happy you did.

Thanks for reading everyone. Like, comment, and share with those who would most benefit from being Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read? Every blog is available on my Youtube channel in video format along with other great content. Subscribe today!

Breakthrough Communicators: How to establish an instant connection

Hello,

Christopher Peck here with Speak Into Action Communications.

Today we learn 'How to Establish an Instant Connection.'

Breakthrough Communicators build immediate rapport in our personal and professional interactions. We are able to disarm self-defense mechanisms and speak directly to the child in charge.

We do this, first and foremost, by making eye contact. That's right, find the iris and hold that gaze.

Here's the kicker: it does not matter the format. Whether it is in person, on video, or over the phone, Breakthrough Communicators make eye contact.

So what does that look like?

In-Person: Make eye contact at least 70% of the time. This benefits both parties.

Ever heard the saying, "the shortest distance between two points is a straight line"?

The shortest distance between you and the child in charge is eye contact.

The energy of your intention and expectation flows directly to your intended target.

Furthermore, when you are making eye contact with your other, they are making eye contact with you. Which means they are more likely to hear and receive the information you are sharing, and you’re building greater know, like, and trust and stronger personal and professional relationships.

Now, on the occasion you are not making eye contact--the other 30%--establish a focus window extending from the top of your other's head to the top of their chest and from shoulder to shoulder. Your focus never leaves this window unless the conversation requires focus elsewhere.

On Video: Make eye contact, not with your other but with your video camera. This creates the illusion of eye contact and encourages the same direct flow of intention and expectation. Be relentless in your commitment to this focus. Whereas face-to-face communication allows for 30%, you need to always stay directly connected to your other on video. There are too many distractions which can easily be triggered in a moment of disconnect. Video is hard so be unwavering in your eye contact.

Over-the-Phone: Arguably the most difficult platform for developing immediate rapport. Guess what? Make eye contact. Visualize the other person, find the iris, and meet their gaze the entire conversation.

What this does is ensure your focus and commitment to the conversation. You cannot harness your other's attention, over-the-phone, the way you can on video and in-person. But you can influence their attention and connection by focusing your intention and expectation directly to them.

Do this by visualizing eye contact.

So here's what I want you to do over the next few days:

Add eye contact to your commitment to conversation, intention, expectation, and seeing the child in charge.

Take those five daily conversations, and unless you are currently committed to self-isolation, spread them between in-person, video, and phone conversations.

If you're great in person, but hate the phone, spend more time on the phone.

If you spend all day on Zoom calls, make time for in-person.

But practice, practice, practice finding the iris and making eye contact.

You may find resistance at first. Many people shy away from eye-contact as a way to protect their child in charge. As a show of good faith, let them see your child in charge. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability, authenticity breeds authenticity, and we build better relationships when we're vulnerable and authentic.

So make eye contact.

Thanks for reading everyone, remember to take these tips at your own pace. Take the time necessary to master your foundation of conversation, intention, expectation, and seeing the child in charge. Once that foundation is established, skills like eye contact will be easy to implement.

Breakthrough Communicators commit to a lifestyle. It doesn't happen overnight. As such, each of us will progress at our own pace. Just keep practicing.

As always like, comment, and share with your friends. This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read?

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Breakthrough Communicators: How to speak directly to the decision maker

Hello,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Today’s "Breakthrough Communicators" skill focuses on breaking through and talking to the real decision maker.

Over the last week we have committed to five conversations per day and applied intention and expectation to those conversations.

Today we see our relationships for who they really are.

Did you ever read Matilda by Roald Dahl? If not, here's a one-sentence summary: a young girl develops magical powers in response to the abuse, trauma and mistreatment she experiences at the hands of her family, peers, and a tyrannical headmistress.

It's a wonderful story which beautifully captures the self-defense mechanisms we create in response to the hurt, trauma, and abuse we experience in our early lives.

As human beings we have core needs which must be met. Love, security, community. And as children we take these core needs for granted. We assume, even expect, food, clothing, shelter, love, companionship, play.

Then something happens which disrupts the expectation of our basic needs. A meal is skipped. Betrayal by a friend. Physical abuse in the home. And out of our survivalist mindset comes that first layer of protection.

My friend betrayed me. I need to be wary of making new friends.

I missed a meal, I need to save some of my lunch just in case it happens again.

The class laughed at me when I answered a question wrong. Maybe I shouldn't answer any more questions.

Whether we were three years old, five, seven, that first moment when we could no longer assume our needs would be met paved the way for layer upon layer of personal shielding. Until ten, twenty, fifty years later we have magnificently wrapped our inner child in a suit of armor built for one purpose: to protect him or her from pain.

These suits of armor walk amongst one another attempting to converse with a decision maker they cannot see.

My favorite part of Matilda, spoiler alert, is when the kind, caring Miss Honey--the only character to show Matilda the love, security, and community she so desperately wanted to take for granted--adopts Matilda. And from that day forward, Matilda's powers are gone. The suit of armor is no longer necessary because her needs are met.

If it were only that easy.

But strong, meaningful personal relationships do break down the armor and allow us to be vulnerable and authentic.

Valuable business resources like life-changing products, consulting services, and coaching programs break down the armor and allow us to be vulnerable and authentic.

Before we break down that armor we have to see past the shielding to the child in charge it's meant to protect.

That's the decision-maker we must see and talk to if we ever expect to strengthen our personal and professional relationships.

So this is what I want you to do: in addition to committing to your five conversations with intention and expectation, I want you to see the child in charge. Look past the shielding, look past the armor and see the child who desperately wants to take for granted again love, security, and community in their life.

That's the foundation of Breakthrough Communication.

We commit to conversation.

We apply intention and expectation.

And most of all we see the child in charge.

Thanks for reading everyone, like, comment, share your experiences, and share with your friends. This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read?

Every blog is available on my Youtube channel in video format along with other great content. Subscribe today!