Breakthrough Communicator Tip # 6: Model and Expect the Behavior You Want in Return

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

The building blocks for developing deep, secure personal and professional relationships are committing to conversation, using intention and expectation, and seeing the child in charge. In order to help in these three areas we find the iris and make eye contact to build instant rapport and use their name to grab and hold attention.

But what next?

How do we proceed?

This is an important moment for Breakthrough Communicators. When we determine if our other is right for us. Is this the type of person I want to build a deeper, more secure relationship with?

And it doesn't have to be everyone. We have ideal clients for a reason. We surround ourselves with individuals who bring out the best in us for a reason. It does not, should not, and cannot be everyone.

So how do we determine who fits?

Model and expect the behavior you want in return.

Human beings are pretty good at mirroring the emotion and intention of others. We empathize and sympathize; we match energy; we meet people where they are at.

But Breakthrough Communicators also establish expectations to be mirrored.

We are relentlessly authentic and strategic in that authenticity.

So when we model certain language and certain behavior, and share our vulnerable child in charge, it is with the understanding the people we want to build stronger relationships with--the people we want in our personal and professional communities--will accept our authentic self, will accept our breakthrough language, and will share their child in charge in return.

It doesn't mean we manipulate others to think and feel as we do. But it does mean our product and services aren't for everyone. It does mean we don't build deeper personal relationships with everyone.

And by modelling the behavior you expect from other's, by inviting them to mirror you also, Breakthrough Communicators determine the relationships they want to further pursue and strengthen.

So as part of your intention and expectation, model your authentic self. Model your child in charge. And see how that vulnerability and authenticity is met.

Use this important information-gathering process to determine if your other is the right person to invest your time and energy.

If they are, that's amazing! These remaining episodes will continue to show you how to build meaningful relationships with these people.

If they are not, let them go.

Thanks for reading everyone, like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Why People Don't Listen to You

Ever wonder why people don’t listen to you?

I do.

Every day.

In my career as a theatre director, writer, educator, and communication coach, I’ve defined the three primary reasons your audience does not listen to you:

1) You’re not saying anything. NOT, you’re not contributing anything of value or speaking the language of your ideal client or audience or solving a problem or whatever.

You’re not engaging in conversation and communication with others.

People cannot listen to you if you’re not speaking. So, of course, no one is listening to you if you’re not spending time everyday engaging in conversation with the express purpose of building deeper, more meaningful personal and professional relationships.

Sounds obvious doesn’t it? But raise you’re hand if you’ve ever been in a position where you determined beforehand you wouldn’t be heard so you just chose not to speak.

That’s tough.

That’s real.

That’s some people’s lives.

2) You never turn small talk into big talk. Small talk is great for feeling out new relationships, learning more about people, and seeing if they are good candidates to bring into your community.

But if small talk never progresses to big talk your connections will give up listening to you.

Think about what you want from your community:

Is it superficial relationships who just talk at us all day?

Is it surface lever people who forget about us as soon as we leave the room?

No! Human beings have core needs and at the top of those core needs are loving communities. We need to be a part of groups, tribes, pods of compassionate, empathetic individuals who will climb in the arena with us, help us, and who we want to help—professionally and personally.

So if your relationship small talk never turns into big talk—vulnerable, authentic, helper-centric big talk—people are not going to listen to you.

3) You’re not talking to the real decision-maker. I just became a dad for the first time :) And when I hold Owen in my arms it is with the greatest responsibility knowing he has no choice but to EXPECT his core needs will be met. Love, security, and community are his to assume and my responsibility to provide for the sake of his survival.

But I can’t and won’t be able to protect him from everything. One day he will experience pain, trauma, loss or some other hurt, which undermines and calls into question his critical needs will be met.

In those moments we often build self-defense mechanisms/suits of armor to protect our inner chlld from ever experiencing the pain of losing our assumed needs and the fear of living a life without those needs.

Betrayal may lead to distrust in others.

Shame and humiliation might manifest as self-deprecating humor or fake confidence.

Abandonment may create an unhealthy need for perfectionism.

But guess who’s hanging out beneath the surface of that distrust or perfectionism or self-deprecation? That same little child who desperately wants to be able to take for granted love, community, and security in their life.

We build deep, meaningful personal and professional relationships and engage in vulnerable, authentic big talk so we can push past the self-defense mechanisms of others and connect with the child in charge.

Why don’t people listen to you?

Ask yourself;

Do I commit to conversation everyday with the express purpose of building deeper relationships?

Do I turn small talk into big talk?

Do I talk to the real decision maker?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no” then your audience is not listening.

Be Gentle, But Firm: Breakthrough Communicators' Tip #18

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

I remember when I defended my thesis during my final year of graduate school. I met with a handful faculty members all who watched my thesis directing project and read my written thesis.

Before entering the room, my graduate advisor looked at me and said, "Remember, you're the expert."

In the moment I definitely didn't feel like the expert. But in reality, no one in that room put in the time, energy, and effort on that particular production, and the research which informed my approach to it.

Breakthrough Communicators are experts. About themselves, their ideas, their work, their product and service offerings, and their wants, needs, and desires.

If I could go back in time and handle that room of faculty members differently, I would utilize this Breakthrough Communicator technique.

Be gentle, but firm.

As the expert there is space to be gentle using positive language, showing acceptance, and applying inquiry-based listening. But there's also room to be firm in the decisions, explanations, and influence we create based on our expertise.

You are an expert. So be gentle but firm in your encounters, interactions, and conversations with clients, colleagues, leaders, friends, and family.

Of course, be a collaborator willing to to listen to feedback and share options and alternatives.

But be a collaborator from your place of expertise. You know your ideas, products, services, and solutions better than anyone. So don't be hesitant or indecisive when sharing those ideas.

Practice being gentle but firm in your conversations this week. Listen to feedback, ask open-ended questions, but don't be afraid to be firm sharing your expertise with others.

Thanks for reading everyone; like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read? Every blog is available on my Youtube channel in video format along with other great content. Subscribe today!

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: Breakthrough Communicators Tip #17

Hello everyone,

Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Accomplishing our intentions and creating influence in our communities isn't easy.

There's years of fear, skepticism, and  insecurity, presenting as a protective shield we need to penetrate in order to speak to the child in charge and ultimately build deeper, more meaningful personal and professional relationships.

That's why Breakthrough Communicators don't sweat the small stuff. If we let every objection, rejection, and moment of resistance deter us from accomplishing our intentions, our ideas, needs, and desires would never be fulfilled.

Instead we let the expectation of success drive our intentions and look at moments of resistance as opportunities, not failures.

Take an objection, for example. You know your product or service is the answer to your other's problem. But they keep objecting.

So what's really happening here?

Something is triggering their protective shielding, which feels compelled to safeguard the child in charge.

This isn't failure, it's an opportunity. If your other is objecting, they haven't taken ownership which means it's time to reengage the child in charge by asking more questions and actively listening to their answers.

What does love, security, and community look like in their life? Through their answers you can slowly guide them to the understanding what you do, who you are, what you offer, is the answer to their wants and needs.

But we can't do that if the small stuff triggers us into over-explaination, getting frustrated, or giving up.

Because those are our self-defense mechanisms. And how can we expect to talk to the child in charge, if we're not vulnerable enough to share our own?

So practice not sweating the small stuff this week. Use objection, rejection, and resistance as an opportunity to ask more questions, be an active listener, and continue to be simple and specific about who you are and how you help.

Thanks for reading everyone; like, comment, and share with current and aspiring Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read? Every blog is available on my Youtube channel in video format along with other great content. Subscribe today!

Earn Their Trust Every Time: Breakthrough Communicators' Tip # 10

Hello everyone,

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications.

Breakthrough Communicators have needs too. We have our own dreams and desires and we need a healthy community to help us achieve those goals.

And there is an invaluable trust-building step in effective communication which ensures a stable bridge between the needs of our other and the needs of ourselves.

Show acceptance.

We have to show acceptance for who our other is right now, in the present.

Resist diving into everything they're doing wrong in their lives, businesses, careers, etc. All the ways they're limiting their own potential and success.

It sounds obvious.

But I see it happen all the time.

"You're doing it all wrong."

"You'll never be get it right if you keep..."

"No wonder you're not succeeding."

This negativity immediately triggers self-defense mechanisms and disengages the child in charge. At which point you're no longer talking to the inner-decision maker and the possibility of developing a more meaningful relationship is lost.

The opportunity to coach, challenge, mentor, and encourage and foster growth will come.

But we have to show acceptance first.

Your other is enough.

Smart enough.

Savvy enough

Funny enough.

Bold enough.

Prepared enough.

Otherwise we would have sorted them out while modeling and matching behavior and we wouldn't be pursuing a deeper personal or professional relationship with them.

So, in your day-to-day conversations, build more trust by showing acceptance. Assure your other's child in charge they're on the right path to achieving the love, community, and security they so desperately desire by being enough today.

You'll be happy you did.

Thanks for reading everyone. Like, comment, and share with those who would most benefit from being Breakthrough Communicators.

This is Christopher Peck with Speak Into Action Communications; helping businesses perform better by training better performers.

Enjoyed the read? Every blog is available on my Youtube channel in video format along with other great content. Subscribe today!