Communication is Muscle Memory: How to Take Charge of the Way You Connect
Every interaction is an opportunity to practice communication. That means every exchange—whether with a colleague, a stranger, or a loved one—reinforces the communication habits we already perform or serves as an opportunity to reshape them.
But how often do we actually reflect on the communication styles we unconsciously repeat? And what does it take to shift from habitual dialogue to influential conversation?
The Driving Lesson: A Story of Muscle Memory
Recently, while driving with my son, I encountered a tailgater—so close I could see the whites of their eyes. Their vehicle bore significant damage: a battered front bumper, a crumpled hood. Signs of a recent collision.
Had their tailgating caused the accident? Hard to say. Had the experience changed their driving habits? Absolutely not.
This moment underscored an undeniable truth: driving, like communication, is a learned behavior. We practice every time we get behind the wheel. And just like communication, we either reinforce existing habits or consciously adapt to become more effective.
Why We Struggle to Change Communication Habits
Communication is deeply tied to our identity and relationships. That makes altering our approach incredibly difficult. Here are a few reasons why:
Lack of Self-Awareness – Many people don’t even recognize when their communication style isn’t serving them. If a conversation isn’t productive, they may instinctively blame others rather than examine their own role in the exchange.
The Cost of Change – Redefining how we communicate often means rejecting past teachings, distancing ourselves from familiar dynamics, and confronting long-held beliefs. Change can feel isolating, intimidating, and even undesirable.
The Overwhelm of Finding a New Approach – Without guidance, identifying a communication style that aligns with the influential person we want to become can feel like navigating without a map. What techniques are most effective? Which ones align with our values? Without clarity, it’s easy to fall back into familiar patterns—even when they don’t serve us.
The Path Forward: Making Every Interaction a Rehearsal
The most immediate and effective shift we can make is viewing life as an arena for practice. We are already rehearsing communication every single day—reinforcing habits, whether good or bad. But when we actively recognize interactions as learning opportunities, we unlock our ability to grow.
This shift in mindset doesn’t mean the work becomes easy. We will still stumble. We will still benefit from coaching and mentorship. And we will still encounter internal barriers that make progress challenging. But the simple act of embracing conversation as a practice space means we take charge of our communication instead of letting muscle memory dictate our influence.
So, the question is: Are you reinforcing old habits—or reshaping them into something greater?