Speaking to Authority Figures

by Christopher Peck

For those of you who have been following this blog the past few months, you know this post was supposed to cover “throw-away gestures."  Instead, I had a request from a client to write a blog about speaking to authority figures.  I thought this was a great idea!  It’s a sensitive subject for some, and no big deal for others.  Still, it’s an important component of interpersonal communication. 

So here are Five Tips to Remember when Speaking to Authority Figures

1)      Have a Plan

What are your goals for this encounter?  Do you want to get your boss excited about a new idea?  Are you trying to survive a speeding ticket?  Knowing and preparing to get what you want enables you to be perceived as knowledgeable, confident, and collected.  I heard a story once about a woman, driving near a police station, who was pulled over for a traffic violation.  When the officer asked, “Do you know why I pulled you over,” her response was “to impress your buddies over there.”  The police officer laughed, and the woman was let off without a ticket.  I want to emphasize, I am not advocating for snark in the presence of a police officer.  That being said, this woman—facing an undesirable situation—had a plan.  Her preparedness allowed her to get what she wanted—avoiding a ticket.  This same planning (not the same plan!) should be taken into any situation when speaking with authority figures.  Your preparation and planning adds credibility to your ideas, proposals, when interviewing, or when you’re standing up for a decision.  You are more likely to be appreciated, respected, and ultimately heard.    

2)      Utilize What You Know About the Authority Figure

In the instance of the woman and the police officer, she made a split-second decision probably based on gut instinct.  She rolled the dice and came out on top.  These circumstances are unusual.  More often than not, the less time and information you have in an interpersonal situation, the more difficult it is steer a conversation.  Consider what you know about the person in authority.  Does she enjoy small talk with her employees or avoid all superfluous conversation?  Does she like talking family?  Is she collectively viewed as friendly with subordinates, or is she dismissive?  The more you know about your boss’ demeanor, idiosyncrasies, etc. the better you are able to craft your side of the conversation in a way that resonates.  If you have the time, collect the information. 

3)      Acknowledge Your Value in the Conversation

One problem that can arise, when communicating with someone in a position of authority, is our own propensity toward buying into the hierarchical dynamic.  In an effort to maintain what we perceive as the appropriate respect for the authority figure, we consequently dismiss our own value in the conversation.  Resist this overcompensation.  Respect for authority does not translate to the diminution of our role in the discussion.  We still have something important to say, we still have a right to say it, and in ideal situations our presence in the dialogue is also respected.  Don’t feel it is imperative to immediately defer to the authority figure simply because they rank higher in the organization.  If you know what you have to offer is of the utmost value, don’t let that value dissolve out of a misunderstanding of the term “respect”. 

4)      Respect the Opinion of Your Other

With that said, respect the opinion of the authority figure as you hopefully would in any communicative situation.  Your boss likely has a more comprehensive and universal understanding of the inner workings of the company.  If you have presented yourself and your idea confidently, strategically, and respectably, and the authority figure still doesn’t share your enthusiasm, there’s probably something else at play.  Hopefully that something else is a deeper understanding of the organization, leading to a necessary rejection of the idea.  Now, there are authority figures who fail to command respect from their employees.  When dealing with an authority figure you do not respect, you have to approach the conversation similarly.  Few individuals in positions of authority respond well to being brow-beaten by disrespectful employees.  If your idea is dismissed for reasons less than credible, take a few days and reconsider your argument.  Learn more about your other, and surround your idea with language that resonates with the person in authority.  

5)      Control What You Can, Don’t Worry About the Rest

Too often we place our focus on elements of presentation that are entirely out of our control.  “What if she thinks I’m stupid?”  “Why won’t my knees stop trembling?”  “I think my voice sounds awful.”  These are elements that we cannot control.  Focusing on them places us in a position where those things out of our control supersede those elements we can control.  Elements like the preparation that went into our proposal, our breathing, or the tempo of our speech.  As in any presentational situation, focusing on what we can control empowers us as speakers.  If your knee is shaking, focus on the tempo of your breathing.  If you’re worried about the sound of your voice, focus on the placement of your hands.  If you’re concerned your boss thinks your idea is unamusing, focus on the imagination, preparation, and design behind your presentation.  Removing focus from the uncontrollable, and placing it on those elements you are in complete control of, allows you the opportunity to ground your physical presence, and connect with the passion and creativity that fuels your ideas. 

I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog.  Next week we return to non-verbal communication habits that inhibit the effectiveness of our presentations; namely Throw-Away Gestures!  Have a great week!