Breakthrough Communicator Tip # 6: Model and Expect the Behavior You Want in Return
The building blocks for developing deep, secure personal and professional relationships are committing to conversation, using intention and expectation, and seeing the child in charge. In order to help in these three areas we find the iris and make eye contact to build instant rapport and use their name to grab and hold attention.
But what next?
How to we proceed?
This is an important moment for Breakthrough Communicators. When we determine if our other is right for us. Is this the type of person I want to build a deeper, more secure relationship with?
And it doesn't have to be everyone. We have ideal clients for a reason. We surround ourselves with individuals who bring out the best in us for a reason. It does not, should not, and cannot be everyone.
So how do we determine who fits?
Why People Don't Listen to You
Ever wonder why people don’t listen to you?
I do.
Every day.
And in my years as a theatre director, writer, educator, and communication coach, I’ve defined the three primary reasons your audience does not listen to you.
I’m certain there are more. I’ll spend the rest of my life searching them out.
In the meantime, these are the top three reasons why people do not listen to you:
1) You’re not saying anything. NOT, you’re not contributing anything of value or speaking the language of your ideal client or audience or solving a problem or whatever.
You’re not engaging in conversation and communication with others.
People cannot listen to you if you’re not speaking. So, of course, no one listening to you if you’re not spending time everyday engaging in conversation with the express purpose of building deeper, more meaningful personal and professional relationships.
Sounds obvious doesn’t it? But raise you’re hand if you’ve ever been in a position where you determined beforehand you wouldn’t be heard so you just chose not to speak.
That’s tough.
That’s real.
That’s some people’s lives.
I had a baby!
Well, not me personally but my beautiful wife Arielle did.
It was amazing.
And the reason for my writing hiatus.
So thank you for your patience in between blogs.
They’re coming back Tuesday September 21st and will be dropping every other Tuesday at least until the end of the year.
Thank you again for all your amazing support as I share Breakthrough Communicator strategies with my amazing community :)
Don't Be A Nag: Breakthrough Communicator Tip #20
Raise you hand if you enjoy being nagged.
No you don't, put your hand down.
No one likes to be nagged.
By a partner…
A parent…
That guy at work who wants to borrow your truck next week to move a couch…
No one likes to be nagged.
Which is why Breakthrough Communicators don't.
Harder than it seems.
But Breakthrough Communicators avoid nagging by understanding three crucial aspects of nagging:
1) It comes from a well-intentioned place. Your parent/partner/the guy from work needs something. And if the need is great enough to nag, it's probably pretty important. But nagging is so detrimental to our well-intentioned purposes because even if it best serves our other, the risk of shutting down the child in charge and triggering self-defense mechanisms makes it a really ineffective form of persuasion.
Be Gentle, But Firm: Breakthrough Communicators' Tip #18
Before entering the room, my graduate advisor looked at me and said, "Remember, you're the expert."
In the moment I definitely didn't feel like the expert. But in reality, no one in that room put in the time, energy, and effort on that particular production, and the research which informed my approach to it.
Breakthrough Communicators are experts. About themselves, their ideas, their work, their product and service offerings, and their wants, needs, and desires.
If I could go back in time and handle that room of faculty members differently, I would utilize this Breakthrough Communicator technique.