Breakthrough Communicator Tip # 6: Model and Expect the Behavior You Want in Return
The building blocks for developing deep, secure personal and professional relationships are committing to conversation, using intention and expectation, and seeing the child in charge. In order to help in these three areas we find the iris and make eye contact to build instant rapport and use their name to grab and hold attention.
But what next?
How to we proceed?
This is an important moment for Breakthrough Communicators. When we determine if our other is right for us. Is this the type of person I want to build a deeper, more secure relationship with?
And it doesn't have to be everyone. We have ideal clients for a reason. We surround ourselves with individuals who bring out the best in us for a reason. It does not, should not, and cannot be everyone.
So how do we determine who fits?
"It's Not Valuable if We Don't Understand It": Breakthrough Communicators Tip #15
Before I started Speak Into Action, I was a theatre professor at the University of South Alabama. Part of my academic responsibility was theatre scholarship, and believe me, if there was a five-syllable word that fit the article I was writing, I used it.
But changing careers didn't change my need to use five-syllable language. And even though I was responsible for teaching others to communicate their needs more effectively, the language I chose made it a struggle to communicate my own value.
Breakthrough Communicators have ideas, feelings, and needs we want to share with others. Those ideas have influence because we've demonstrated ourselves as a trusted relationship and built genuine rapport with our other.
But we can run the risk of undermining that trust, rapport, and value if we don't commit to this Breakthrough Communicator skill…
Earn Their Trust Every Time: Breakthrough Communicators' Tip # 10
Breakthrough Communicators have needs too. We have our own dreams and desires and we need a healthy community to help us achieve those goals.
And there is an invaluable trust-building step in effective communication which ensures a stable bridge between the needs of our other and the needs of ourselves.
Show acceptance.
We have to show acceptance for who our other is right now, in the present.
Resist diving into everything they're doing wrong in their lives, businesses, careers, etc. All the ways they're limiting their own potential and success.
It sounds obvious.
But I see it happen all the time.
Breakthrough Communicators: How to establish an instant connection
It does not matter the format. Whether it is in person, on video, or over the phone, Breakthrough Communicators make eye contact.
So what does that look like?
In-Person: Make eye contact at least 70% of the time. This benefits both parties.
Ever heard the saying, "the shortest distance between two points is a straight line"?
The shortest distance between you and the child in charge is eye contact.
The energy of your intention and expectation flows directly to your intended target.
Furthermore, when you are making eye contact with your other, they are making eye contact with you. Which means they are more likely to hear and receive the information you are sharing, and you’re building greater know, like, and trust and stronger personal and professional relationships.
Breakthrough Communicators: How to speak directly to the decision maker
Today we see our relationships for who they really are.
Did you ever read Matilda by Roald Dahl? If not, here's a one-sentence summary: a young girl develops magical powers in response to the abuse, trauma and mistreatment she experiences at the hands of her family, peers, and a tyrannical headmistress.
It's a wonderful story which beautifully captures the self-defense mechanisms we create in response to the hurt, trauma, and abuse we experience in our early lives.
As human beings we have core needs which must be met. Love, security, community. And as children we take these core needs for granted. We assume, even expect, food, clothing, shelter, love, companionship, play.
Then something happens which disrupts the expectation of our basic needs. A meal is skipped. Betrayal by a friend. Physical abuse in the home. And out of our survivalist mindset comes that first layer of protection.