Want to Build Deeper, More Meaningful Relationships? Change This One Phrase
Language is powerful. Sometimes, the smallest shift in the words we choose can completely change the way we connect with someone.
I remember working with a client who came to me after getting fired from a job where tensions had been brewing for a while. They described a challenging relationship with their boss—miscommunication, differing expectations, and a growing disconnect that eventually led to their dismissal. As they shared their story, I instinctively responded, “I can’t imagine what that experience must have been like for you.”
In the moment, it felt like a respectful thing to say—acknowledging their hardship without assuming I knew exactly what they’d gone through. But instead of deepening the conversation, it did the opposite. The energy shifted. My client nodded, paused, and then waited for me to move forward. That phrase—“I can’t imagine”—had unintentionally stalled the conversation. I had unknowingly stepped into the role of “fixer” rather than “guide,” skipping too quickly into strategies and solutions instead of truly understanding their perspective.
In our next session, I made a conscious shift. When we revisited their experience, I said, “I can only imagine how difficult that must have been.” This small change made all the difference.
Instead of distancing myself from their experience, I challenged myself to step into it. And in doing so, I realized just how many gaps existed in my own understanding of their situation. I got curious—“Tell me more about what those last few weeks were like. What felt most frustrating? What did you wish had gone differently?” These questions didn’t just help me understand their narrative—they helped them process it more clearly, too.
And that’s the power of this small language shift.
When we say “I can’t imagine,” we unintentionally close off deeper conversation. We acknowledge someone’s struggle, but we don’t challenge ourselves to explore it further. But when we say, “I can only imagine,” we take responsibility for filling in the gaps. We make curiosity and active listening part of the conversation. And that leads to real connection—whether with a friend, a colleague, or a client.
Want to try this out for yourself? Here’s how:
Make it a habit. Catch yourself when you're about to say, “I can’t imagine”—and replace it with “I can only imagine.” Notice how the conversation shifts.
Ask deeper questions. Instead of assuming, get curious. Ask, “What did that feel like? What was the hardest part? What do you wish people understood about your experience?”
Guide, don’t fix. People don’t always need immediate solutions—they need space to be heard. Stay present, reflect back what you hear, and allow them to shape their own path forward.
This isn’t just a linguistic trick—it’s a mindset shift. It’s about choosing to stay engaged and fully present in conversations, instead of distancing ourselves. It’s about building trust, strengthening connections, and ultimately, fostering deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Try it next time you’re in a conversation where someone’s sharing something personal or difficult. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.