From Anxiety to Excellence: Overcoming Self-Doubt to Master Communication
Years ago, I drove for a ride-sharing company. It was a blast because I met so many interesting people, and it helped me while getting my coaching business off the ground. I used ridesharing as an opportunity to talk about what I do and fine-tune my messaging. I vividly remember one ride. A passenger asked me what I did, and I told him, “Public Speaking Coach.” He sat there for a moment before responding, “Public Speaking. I feel like that’s something you’re just born with. You either have it or you don’t.”
I couldn't disagree more, and I can only imagine how reassuring that belief must be. If public speaking, curiosity, collaboration, and charisma were purely biological, many of us would be off the hook. But that's also pretty unfulfilling, especially when you know stronger communication skills might lead to a better job, healthier relationships, and even first dates. So, instead of treating communication skills like your natural ability to dunk a basketball, let’s look at three habits you can start right away to get out of feeling stuck or limited by your so-called “inherent” communication abilities.
Practice Consistently: I come from the theatre world, and let me tell you, if you don’t practice it, you won’t perform it. So, practice. Choose intentional skills like asking open-ended questions and making eye contact and then create opportunities to rehearse. Commit to one more conversation than you usually would each day. This could be as simple as chatting with a cashier, calling a friend, or asking your child about their day. Consistent practice builds confidence and improves communication skills over time.
Challenge Self-Limiting Beliefs: Communication is a skill that can be developed, regardless of natural inclinations. Your introverted tendencies or social anxiety doesn’t mean you can’t become an effective communicator. Quite the opposite—introversion often aligns with thoughtfulness, active listening, and precisely articulated ideas. Embrace the mindset that improvement is possible with effort and practice.
Engage in Real-World Situations: Eventually, you have to get in the arena and do the hard thing. Actively seek out situations where communication is necessary. Join groups, attend workshops, or participate in social events that encourage interaction. Identify your weaknesses and then intentionally confront them. Do you struggle to listen? Schedule a one-to-one with the purpose of listening more than you speak. Hate public speaking? Go to an open mic night or find an improv class. The more you expose yourself to communication challenges, the more comfortable and skilled you will become.
The belief that communication skills are innate and unchangeable is a misconception that can hold you back from reaching your full potential. By practicing consistently, challenging self-limiting beliefs, and engaging in real-world situations, you can significantly improve your communication abilities. Remember, it’s not about being born with certain skills; it’s about the dedication and effort you put into developing them. So, take action, embrace the journey, and watch as your confidence and competence in communication flourish. Stronger communication skills can lead to better job opportunities, healthier relationships, and a more fulfilling life. Don’t let self-doubt keep you up at night—start practicing, challenging, and engaging today.