Your Communication Style is a Reflex (And It’s Not Helping You)
Most people don’t walk into a room; they default into it.
They find a version of themselves that avoided enough trouble in their tweens, teens, and twenties and they stay there. They keep that same agreeable tone or that same defensive shield, and they call it “being real.”
I call it a stale performance. And in high-stakes leadership, it’s a death sentence for your influence.
The Loop of the Relatable Character
In my book, ACTive Communication, I examine a difficult truth: your current personality is mostly just a collection of survival habits. You absorbed these scripts from teachers who wanted you quiet or parents who wanted you polite.
The problem is that these scripts don't care about your goals today. Habit doesn't care if you land the deal or if your team treats your directives as suggestions. Habit only cares that you stay safe. It keeps you small so you don’t have to feel the friction of being a leader.
The Shift: Reclaim the Lead
A great director never tells an actor to “just be yourself.” They ask the actor to perform the actions required for the scene to succeed. To get a result.
If you want to move people, you have to trade your safety for intent.
Dismantle the Stale Script: Look at your last three high-stakes interactions. Did you speak with intent, or did you show up out of habit? If you defaulted to being “agreeable” when the stakes required you to be “consequential,” your habit won.
Choose the Directorial Note: What experience does your audience need to have for you to win? If they need a Lion, your “polite” habit is a liability. You have to decide who to be before you open the door.
Command the Consequence: Before you speak, ask yourself one question: Is this performance aligned with the result I need right now? If the answer is no, stop reacting. Start acting.
Rewrite the Script
The version of you that got you here isn’t the one who’s going to take you to the next tier.
You aren’t stuck in your "Factory Settings." You have the agency to decide what happens next in every scene you occupy.
Stop waiting for your habits to suddenly start producing success. It's time to build a performance that has consequence.
Ready to get in the room? Don't just read about influence—let's build yours. Book your personal ACTive Communication Consultation here and start moving the room with intent.